Friday, January 27, 2012

A Father's Love

Well now it’s my turn,

Where to start!. Well if 6 years ago you’d have asked me if I wanted Kids you’d have gotten one heck of a glare. Back in those days I used to get invited to parties and afternoon BBQ’s because of the affect I had on anything under the age of 5. See back then with the Hair and the beard I used to cause kids to become silent and sullen in my presence. Anything under the age of 5 didn’t really know how to deal with me; after all to them I was a mass of hair and quite the intimidator. BUT as with all things time has a strange effect on things. I met Rebecca and became a father figure to 4 kids overnight. Quite a daunting task I can tell you. One that I’m still learning to deal with on a daily basis, It’s quite an adventure. And now, You could see me as a responsible adult (something my friends reading this have either spilled their pints, Died of shock, or their eyes glazed over it so they didn’t have to read that statement and  if they didn’t have to read it, it therefore doesn’t exist) I love spending time with my Kids! I remember the first time I met them in person. I was pooping cinder blocks! Everything was riding on them, If they did not like me in person the relationship was over, Ended, Caput. (Rebecca let me know from the start that they are a group package and its all or nothing)
Tamara was the first to take to me, Hugging me in only the way she does and to this day she has never stopped giving me a hug, regardless of what happens, we can argue, or disagree on something and she can storm off in a huff, BUT she always ends up giving me a hug.
Brandon was next, again giving me a hug when he wanted one and was totally drawn in by my techy toys. He would (if I let him) spend hours on my Smartphone PDA (way before the iPhone and android) infact given the chance he still would be on my new phone playing Sudoku or chess or whatever game I happened to have at the time.

Ariel and Britney being the older 2 in this family agreed to put up with me for the duration. Ariel, I would like to think accepts me as an adult figure.  The verdict is still out with Britney. To this day I still don’t know really how she feels about me. All the others, at least one point either have said intentionally or in passing or out of politeness, have said they loved me. It gives a warm fuzzy feeling every time they do. It is great to know that even as we are in the teenage years with Tamara and Brandon they are still willing to tell me and are still willing to listen to me.

In the beginning of our relationship, Rebecca and I talked about having kids and I was always on the Fence about it not really knowing what way to turn or where to fall to be precise, but spending time with our kids and spending time with Rebecca opened my eyes. The real clincher moment came when I had Tamara at work with me for “Bring your child to work” day and we were talking and the guy in the cube next to me told me that I was a natural father and it was clear that Tamara respected me and wanted to be with me. I tell you now my chest nearly exploded. So I got to thinking about wanting kids of my own. I mean I do feel envious of Rebecca having had the growing up period prior to me. I never got to hold them as a new born in my arms, Or be there when they fall over to put a Band-Aid on the scrape, I never got to hear their first words or see their first steps. Do I treat them as my kids? Yes, regardless of what they think our relationship is, they are always MY Kids and they get all the unconditional love that comes with that. You reading this now might not understand how I can do that, TBH I can’t really explain it it’s just how I feel about them.
Rebecca and I discussed the various options available to us, for Us to technically start a family. Adoption seemed the way to go. So we talked about domestic vs international and we Decided Domestic, it was a tough choice and we both thought about it long and hard and then as it does, life threw a curve ball and we changed route and went international. To make a bigger change we went Special needs international. One of the biggest things Rebecca was worried about was me being able to deal with a special needs child in the house. Having no real experience on a one to one basis all I could say was it will not be a problem at all. But then that’s just the kind of guy I am, I have always had a knack for just taking things in my stride. Dealing with issues as and when they arise. We were wondering what kind of Special needs we should go for so we prayed for a sign and boy did we get one. We were sitting in church when a group of about 20 teenagers to young adults with Down Syndrome sat right in front of us. Talk about a revolutionary Sign! It doesn’t get much bigger than that. Having had the sign we prayed for, Rebecca set about finding an agency to go through and again the curve ball appeared and she found Reece’s Rainbow. After many months of looking at orphans needing someone’s love, Rebecca called me at work and told me she had found the one!  *Queue celestial music* So she showed me a picture and one look at “Sydney” and my heart melted, just as it did the first time I physically saw Rebecca standing in the airport, to scared to look at me in case I didn’t like what I saw. Just like Rebecca I knew she was the one.
Life can be pretty wavy around us.. infact most of the time it can be compared to a massive tubular water slide as it curves itself around, going up and Down never really letting you know where it’s going to drop you. And Once more Rebecca was on the phone saying she had found Him.. Yes a HIM. And once more when I saw Lucien I knew he was ours. It’s kinda hard to explain it’s just something you know is a good thing.
I am already getting that New Father Feeling. I can’t wait to hold them. I can’t wait to feel them hold me back, I am even excited about changing my first diaper! While we are already a family with the children we have, I missed so much. Knowing I will be able to see so many of those firsts with Sydney and Lucien, it’s as if something that was once missing is now found, a void is filled. I never knew I could love being a father so much, and looking back, I do not know how I lived without it for so long.
So here we are today with me writing this for you to read. I am Happy, Over the moon with what we are doing, In fact, if given the chance to time travel and change one thing I would certainly not change a single thing, because if I did it would run the risk of putting me somewhere else, some when else. Im also scared about the daunting task ahead of us in order for us to bring our 2 children home. So, What am I going to do going forward? Well I am going to have Faith that God will provide, I am going to show that I have the courage and strength to reach the end and feel so proud to have Rebecca by my side to share this with.

Thank you for reading and I hope it gives a small insight into how I feel about all this.

No comments:

Post a Comment